Learn how to get more out of your conversations with this indispensable guideEveryone knows how to talk, right? Wrong, according to Harvard Professor Alison Wood Brooks. We’re ill prepared with topics to discuss, don’t ask enough questions to maintain momentum and fail to see conversation as a way to engage and have fun. Professor Brooks backs up her guidelines for good conversation with rigorous science. Many of her findings may surprise you.
For example, one section of the book discusses the importance of apologising, even for things you didn’t do. Brooks cites a study where participants asked complete strangers if they could borrow their mobile phone to make a call. Only 9% of those asked cooperated. But when the study was performed on a rainy day, and participants apologised for the rain, 47% of people offered their phones when asked.
Other research shows that, despite our aversion to sounding intrusive or overly familiar, asking directly personal questions are for the most part well received. They demonstrate a strong interest in people, and so recipients are almost flattered at the attention.
Not all conversations are good, however. Some are hostile, or can quickly escalate. In a particularly useful chapter, Brooks guides the reader through the minefield of disagreement.and conflict. By listening and acknowledging grievances, the way can be smoothed to air an opposing point of view or opinion. Research shows that this method of discourse makes an opponent more amenable to what you have to say.
To make the book’s lessons easier to remember, Brooks smartly distillates her message into four main points:
T. Topics. Research things to talk about.
A. Asking questions
L. Levity. Finding the fun in conversation.
K. Kindness. Hear out what people have to say and give them space.
Written in cheerful, companionable prose, this guide to talking offers vital tips not only for making good conversation, but for also building strong relationships. A must read.
Talk: The Science of Conversation and the Art of Being Ourselves, by Alison Wood Brooks. Penguin Books. $26.99
JUNE 2026